The invisible Monsters

(Music share: Please download & enjoy while reading. ‘The Road to Austin’ The Section Quartet) 21-the-road-to-austin

In the next five years and for the past five, my friends and I have been in the phase of life that involves not only our own evolution, but also the fine art of mixing lives together, and hoping that it rises. The heat and pressure of such a thing can cause what you have mixed to fall, or lack flavor. Sometimes the coming together of these unique elements can be absolute disaster, and a huge mess. This is our lives however, and not just a messy kitchen, so naturally it causes anxiety.

In my own personal experience, I have already won the game.

With such giving family and the most accepting friends, I find that my camera is the only way for me to capture the joy that they give me, and I have to say thanks that way. Otherwise, I sit and sputter emotional mish-mash in their faces. The photos save me the explanations.

For those of you wondering, I did deliver my speech live and in person on the day of Rob and Michelle’s wedding in Mexico. It was almost flawless too, except for that fall I took off the gazebo…
Just kidding.

The five days spent there were a wild card. A collection of people so incredible and silly with good times that I lost myself in the joy of it. I did not consider, and I am not sure why, that those family and friends of Michelle would be such a close second to my

own.      

For that week I lived (and loved those around me) with decadence.

I think that is why this entry (and those to come) continue to get more and more difficult. I become more invested in you, the viewer, but also somewhat attached to this digital room; a place where I can demand your attention with words and pictures for anywhere up to thirty minutes. I Relish in it.

On April 1st, I received more than 900 hits in the 24 hours after ‘The Light Hitting the Water’ was posted. Now, to you seasoned bloggers this may seem like a drop in the bucket. But admittedly, I had begun to wonder if anyone was looking at all. (Besides of course, you few loving and loyal supporters, you know who you are, and I thank you.)

In the knowledge of this flood of eyes, my knees locked, and I stayed away from my Word Press room. How ironic that a post about my fear of public speaking would exercise that particularly flabby emotional muscle? I thought it poetic, but for the next four weeks I thought to myself “Well, what now?”

Isn’t that always the question? The invisible monsters.
I always approach this question like a sleeping lion. I know once the wind storm of brain storming does begin it can go on and on, and although cathartic, it also stings a little. (like medicine?)

Writers and artists will tell you that they each have methods and for those of you who now me personally, you know my method can be a little… deranged? It has even been described as a green elephant. Not taboo like its pink counterpart, but big and bulky and impossible to move around.
(“and frankly, what the hell is that green elephant doing in here?”)

When I came home I was greeted by my forgotten bedroom corner table; a Bermuda triangle of  ‘to do’ lists and yellow legal pads scribbled over, not nearly enough items crossed off, and me cursing my past self.
It is true that the hardest thing’s, are the one’s that we haven’t done yet.      

And then Mona was born.

My oldest sibling was expecting a little girl, and the word came a few days after my homecoming that she had arrived; healthy and happy. In light of this news I found the strength to start working. I tackled the corner table with fervor and got through the pile of edits and portraiture that people were anxiously waiting on.

It is amazing what hope is born from, and where and when.

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